Friday, October 29, 2010

Expecting To Be Expecting

Am I really expecting?

These past few weeks, quite literally almost this whole month I've been feeling sick. Do I say this every month in hopes of possibly being pregnant? Yes. Do I dream of becoming a mommy-to-be throughout each day? Yes. Am I hoping we're expecting to the point of actually becoming sick? Maybe. Is my body and my mind playing tricks on me? Quite possibly. This has happened before, many times. And yes, every single month you can just count on hearing me say, "You know what, I think this is REALLY it!". Then I come to find shortly after that it was just me thinking I was expecting--again.

Ever since my Husband and I had the miscarriage our life has been such an emotional roller coaster ride when it comes to this subject. It's been real hard to cope with the loss. My Husband and I were so very close to being able to hear the sound of our baby's heart beat. We never got to have the privilege of hearing that sound. Oh how I wonder what it would've been like if our baby was with us still. Since that day, time has been whizzing by. This second year of marriage is so very different then the first. I thought I knew my Husband the first year. I thought we were super close and so mature. We have a long ways to go, we've come a long way as well. The Lord has been gracious to us. I feel I know my Husband and love my Husband now more then I ever have. I feel my love for him has deepened. It hasn't been easy. Oh but those hard times are gems in disguise. They are good times. Because it's those hard times that have brought us to where we are now. I don't regret going through all that we have gone through. I feel like such an infant as I speak of my marriage. For I am well aware that years and years from now I will look back on this very day and say to myself..."Oh how time flies..."the closeness of a Husband's love's never felt sweeter."

As I ponder of the reminds me of the present. If we are expecting now, I would be truly surprised. I have been so used to hoping we were expecting and coming to find out we were not once again. It has been a repetitive cycle. If that repetitive cycle is suddenly broken I honestly don't know what I'd think. The first question that may go through my mind would probably be, "Is this for real?". Whether my Husband and I find out we are expecting this time around or not. Either way, we will consider it a blessing from the Lord. 

Ask me why I'm glowing? Haha...recently I was told I looked like I was glowing and radiant. I jokingly laughed some, and put my hands on my belly and said in a hopeful tone, "Oh, am I really? Hmm, that sounds like a good thing!" And then laughed some more. That really lifted my Spirits and made me think, "...hmm maybe I really am...".

As I was saying, this month I have been feeling sickly. Dizzy, fatigued, nauseous, cravings aversions etc. All of which can be being caused by an impending period. So, you never really can tell. Recently, I have been treating my body the way I would treat it if I knew for sure I was expecting. I hear that helps keep hopes high, and helps one stay more positive in the waiting process. I don't have to wait much longer...soon enough I will find out if this "glow" is really what some think it is. I  am expecting to be expecting. And in all honesty- I couldn't be more... anxious. But I must set the anxiousness aside and calm my Spirit. And remember what the Bible tells us....

It doesn't say, "Be anxious for some things", or "Be anxious for all things." No, it says, "Be anxious for NOTHING".

must keep that in mind. I must remember that God   is in control of any and all circumstances. 

I trust that the Lord knows whats' best   for My Husband and I. 
I know that whatever happens will be His will.
I know that He cares for and loves us.
I know that He knows.
Because I know that..

The storms of life may rage wild. But I must remember to have peace. The peace that can only be found in Jesus. I can always find...


I will end with a quote:

'‎'Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.'' -Rebecca St. James


Do you have any pregnancy advice? Ever suffered a loss? Feel free to share, it might be a blessing to someone! 



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